You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.
Scrapped AskCoach. I started this immediately after the first one and have been very slowly noodling with it, but there was an AskIRLZoey the other day that used a similar joke yesterday, and I don’t wanna look like I’m copying her soooo… SCRAPPED.
I need to… not spend so much time on these anyway. I’m going to try a different approach and maybe just do more refined asks for special occasions. (I should be spending my comic energy on Death Haven, not some ask blog that was supposed to be fun but it turning into work already because I’m trying to do too many large projects at once)
I’m not going to say what the question was because I’m still going to use it, I just gotta find a new joke to use. HEY and I just came up with one :D SCORE.
WORK DOODLEAGE. I finished a website design and had some time to kick back while I waited for the project manager to finish what he was doing so he could critique and blabity blah blabily Left 4 Dead happened.